Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike caves and does a 1066 tie-in
Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 12:35:29 am EDT
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Before the Shooting Starts
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“Before the Shooting Starts” A 1066 Tie-In


Excerpted from Untold Tales #265 “Fear the Reaper,” by HH

“Dominic, are you avoiding me? You haven’t said more than two dozen words to me since I arrived.”

    Mr. Epitome turned and found Katarina Allen standing in the door of the Operations Room. “You’re not cleared for this area,” he told her. “Er, I mean that in a polite way, not the way it came out.”

    Kat held up her security pass. “I’m cleared for it now. Lisa said you needed extra help on the monitors and I was at a loose end. She turned down similar requests from Pelopia and Kinki, and they’re both livid. But here I am.”

    “I’ll give you a quick orientation then,” the paragon of power responded. “Let’s start with the video monitor banks and the situation globe…”

    “Let’s start with you answering my question, Dominic. Are you embarrassed that I’m here? Angry with me? What?”

    “No,” Epitome denied. “None of that. I’m just… not good when the compartments of my life overlap each other. I’m not the same person here with the Lair Legion as I can be when I’m alone with you.”

    “I notice you still seem to get very catty around Hatman.”

    “That’s not how I’d characterise it.”

    Kat looked unhappy. “I don’t mean to be a burden, Dom. I didn’t want to come here, but when I got attacked by Exemplary…”

    “You shouldn’t ever have been threatened!” Epitome blurted. “Or when it happened I should have been there to help you. To save you!”

    “You already saved me, Dom, remember?” the weaver prompted him. “Back when we first met, and plenty after that. And you warned me about Exemplary and arranged for me to have that Shoggoth brooch. You haven’t let me down.”

    Epitome busied himself with the monitor boards. “It doesn’t feel like that.”

    Kat laid a hand on his wrist. “Dom, you don’t have to save me for me to like you. I don’t just like you because I’m grateful.”

    “I can’t cope with normal relationships, Kat. It’s not me.”

    “Welcome to planet Earth,” Katarina Allen told him. “We all feel like that here. Stay a while. You might like it.”

*****


Now, Twenty five minutes later:

Katarina Allen gave a post-coital gasp and slumped into her lover’s barrel chest. After her racing heart slowed to the point where the young woman could speak Kat admonished, “You are a bad, bad man.”

Chuckling, Dominic Clancy swept the stray bangs from Kat’s face, “I am liable to get a certain reputation if word gets out about this. People might start comparing me to Clement.”

“You’ll never be pigeonholed with the De Brown Streak, Dom: you’re not smooth enough,” the lithe blonde climbed from the monitor room chair and adjusted her skirt. She looked down at her blouse, “I’m missing some buttons.”

“Clement’s only smooth because he shaves his legs. Most sprinters do,” the Star Spangled Splendor used his x-ray vision to scan the room for Kat’s errant fasteners.

After the pair arranged their attire to a passing normalcy they gave each other an expectant look.

Epitome went first, “I want you as part of my life, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Kat smiled as she used the suture kit from Dominic’s belt pouches to stitch up her peasant skirt, “And I think you’re aware that feeling is mutual.”

“Obviously. I’m just concerned that the baggage that comes with being with me is going to keep you from leading the type of life you want and deserve.”

There was a long pause as Kat waited for him to continue.

“Times are difficult now, but even when we stop the Parody Master, and life returns to normal, well, the term would be highly relative.”

“You mean I’ll still have to wear Elder Slime Monsters as jewelry from time to time?” Katarina joked.

Dominic grinned despite himself, “At the very least. Then there’s always the chance you could be part of an impregnentation plot by Wang the Conqueror.”

“That’s Kinki’s father, right?” she mentioned another recent guest to Lair Mansion.

“The way she tells it, yes.”

Katarina finished the hem work and gave Dominic her full attention, “You really think the Lair Legion can stop the Parody Master?”

“Yes, though it won’t just be the Legion, but the entire free world. This is the twenty-first century, Kat- the time of petty tyrants is almost over. And for all his power that’s all the Parody Master is. We’ll dispatch him to the ashbin of history like all the rest of the thugs that have threatened humanity.”

The trim young woman smiled and stepped into Dominic’s arms, “You’re sexy when you avow,” she grew solemn, “I want to see you heroes stop him,” Kat Allen had spent four hellish months on a world under the Parody Master’s thrall. She knew what was at risk if the cosmic warlord took over the Earth.

“You will,” the big man assured her before checking, “Uh, is that you’re way of saying that you’re, ahm, willing to deal with the baggage that comes with my life?”

“I’m in it for the long haul, Dominic. Wherever you choose to go. I’ve told you that before.”

She had, but it was important for the Man of Might to hear it again.

The two shared a lingering kiss. Epitome stroked Kat’s hair.

“There is something you can help me with. Not that,” he stopped her pre-innuendo, “With the Job.”

Kat’s eyes gleamed brightly, “Is it more monitor duty? Because I have to say, so far that’s been quite appealing.”

“No, this is fieldwork. Foxglove would call it a team-up, actually,” Dominic turned surprisingly pensive, “It’s something I would do myself, if I could. But I believe you have the correct, uh, skill set, for the task. If you’re willing.”

The young weaver from Bienville, Louisiana was intrigued, “What is it?”

*****


Charlotte Ouk left work forty five minutes late, a serious setback. That would wipe away three quarters of an hour from her required nap before going out. She could “sleep in,” but that would necessitate her cutting down the amount of time she’d have to case the Shelton docks for ambushing Tobias Porpoise and his crew; a risk, since if the teen wanted to be able to capture them while they were lifting the smuggled contraband from The Sleipner, every eventuality had to be prepared for. As Charlotte mulled her options a voice across from the hotel called her name.

The slim blonde in culottes and denim jacket was a stranger to her, but Charlotte recognized the dog that was leading her across the street.

“Glory,” she muttered before halting her long, loping gait and waiting for the twosome to catch up with her.

“OK, girl, uh, heel?” Katarina Allen solicited the young Border collie as they drew close to their target. The Mutt of Might complied with an encouraging bark to her new friend.

“Dominic sent you,” Charlotte said to both flatly.

Kat nodded. Clearly, the girl was not thrilled by the fact.

“What does he want?”

“Yes, well,” she smiled feebly at the tall, broad-shouldered teen. Charlotte had a stone-cold killer face that was stonier than Dominic’s, “My name is Kat Allen… maybe Dom has mentioned me?”

“He and I aren’t much for small talk,” Charlotte started walking, “So why did he send you and Scrappy Doo here?”

“Do not call me Scrappy,” Glory barked as she took off in pursuit, pulling Kat with her.

“OK, Dom told me all about you. About how he sort of adopted you after your parents died-“

“My parents were murdered,” Charlotte corrected her without turning, “By a sick fuck named Doc Toxic.”

“I know. And Dominic took you in and trained you to fight crime,” Kat went on.

“Keep it down,” Artemis whispered angrily, “Some of us have a secret identity to keep.”

Chastened, the young woman dropped her voice several octaves, “Sorry. The point is, he’s worried about you. It’s more dangerous than ever to be a – super person. With 1066 becoming law.”

“So he sent you two to what? Warn me,” she snorted dismissively, “Typical.”

“No, Dom sent me to ask you to come to the mansion where it would be safer for you,” Kat shot back.

Charlotte stopped and turned to stare down at woman and dog, “I can take care of myself. Better than he can, now that he’s lost his memory.”

“He told me you’d say that. Then he told me to tell you that it took him just seven hours to track you down at your new apartment. And that you should check under your cot when you get home: he left you a dummy claymore, which I guess, is some kind of booby trap.”

“An explosive,” Charlotte admitted somewhat ruefully.

“Right. It was his way of saying if he can get to you, they can get to you. Like they nearly got to me, before I moved in to the mansion.”

Artemis shouldered the duffel bag that carried her costume and weapons, “Look… Kat? Tell Dominic his concern is appreciated, but I’m not going anywhere. Some of us aren’t interested in circling the wagons and waiting for the worst to come.”

“The Legion is not doing that,” Glory objected.

“Dominic isn’t waiting for anything,” Kat echoed, “None of them are. They’re going to fight, and beat this Conspiracy, and then take it to the bad guy who’s behind all this.”

“Good,” Charlotte replied, “I hope they do. But I’ve got bad guys of my own to go after, and being holed up at Lair Mansion would put a hitch in those plans.”

“I’m sure Dom could help –“

“I don’t want his help,” the Urban Archer said firmly, “Or need it,” she stepped closer to Kat and hissed, “Did Epitome tell you that he doesn’t remember any of our past together? That he doesn’t know me at all? He needs to give it up.”

Even though she was facing down a woman who had close to eight inches and forty pounds on her, and had been trained in all manners of combat by one of the most dangerous men on the planet, Katarina held her ground, “Maybe you need to. I don’t know what the Dominic you knew did to make you so angry, but this Dominic isn’t that person.”

“You sure about that?” Charlotte asked significantly.

“Yes, I am. I believe in him.”

Charlotte Ouk looked at the determined young woman, then at Glory, “I used to too. But he let me down. I really hope he doesn’t let you down. It’s not a pleasant experience.”

Then she walked off.

Katarina Allen debated following her and continuing her spiel, but since Glory had seemed to have given up, she relented as well.

“Well, we tried,” Kat said to the Dog Dynamo as she bent down to scratch the ruff of fur around her neck, “That’s all we can do.”

Glory thumped her tail in agreement.

*****


The town car that pulled up to Dominic Clancy was shielded from his enhanced senses, which came as no surprise. What did surprise him was who was behind the wheel when he dropped down into the passenger seat.

Rex Regent, former Special Assistant to the Director of the National Security Council and the public face for House Bill 1066, smiled, “‘The Tree of Liberty must from time to time be fed with the blood of tyrants and patriots.’”

The Exemplary Man blinked, but responded, “‘When the shooting starts, they always send for the sons of bitches.’”

Regent eased the car into the evening Washington DC traffic, “You a son of a bitch, Clancy?”

“When needed.”

“Right,” he passed Epitome a manila folder, “The boss wanted you to have this. Intel on an operation to bully the Fugawi Indian tribe so that they don't try anything like what’s going on in Spokane.”

Dominic speed read the file throroughly, “The Grey Eminence risked having the two of us meet so you could give me data on an extortion plot?”

“That, and to show you how he’s got a man high up in the ranks of the conspiracy.”

If he was impressed, the Man of Might gave no sign. Regent continued.

“He doesn’t expect you to fill me in on what the Legion’s got planned for a counter-strike, only to let me know if you think its feasible.”

“It will work.”

“Good. The boss is making a move of his own. He’s been parlaying with a certain Hooded weirdo you’re familiar with.”

“The Grey Eminence is working with the Hooded Hood?” Epitome asked, somewhat incredulously.

Rex chuckled, “Yeah, I can hardly believe it either. Normally the boss avoids the costumed freaks, present company excepted of course. But needs must, when the Devil drives.”

“Right.”

The double agent turned the car towards the assigned drop off point along the Potomac River not far from Epitome’s own rented vehicle, “Plus, he’s getting something important out of this arrangement. Once we’ve stopped the Conspiracy Winkelweald’s going to hit you with his high beams and retcon your age regression.”

“I see.”

“That’s what you want, right, Clancy? It galls me to say this, since it was you who replaced me as Eminence’s go to guy, but America needs you as you were,” Regent noted with all sincerity, “We probably wouldn’t even be dealing with all this 1066 shit if you were in your prime. You would have been able to help him stop it before it got started.”

Dominic Clancy took this fact in and processed it with all the other available data he had acquired in the months following his transformation.

“I know,” he agreed before getting out of the car and into the cold DC night.


To Be Continued?



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